The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
