just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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