just tell him i said nine months
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
