just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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