I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
