Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
