Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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