he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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