ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
