I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
