What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
