she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
