I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
