He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
