just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
it glows. i had to have it.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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