We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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