i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
