Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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