im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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