I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Randomize
