I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
