Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Randomize
