I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
