I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
