Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
