Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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