I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
