My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
