Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
