im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
What a dumb baby whore.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
My vagina just clenched in fear
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
