i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize