Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
