Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
