I'm lost and stupid without you.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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