I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
