I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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