evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
