I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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