Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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