i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
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