your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
