remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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