you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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