My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize