this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Randomize
