i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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