There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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