I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
