she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
it was like eating out sand paper
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
