oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
He felt like a one man threesome
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
