You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
