not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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