last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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