Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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