I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
