Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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