Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
