Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
