ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
