I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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