it wasn't lemon gatorade
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
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