she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
