my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
