My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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