you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
