a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
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