I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
