i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
She's the barista slut.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
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