She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
