Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
