I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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